I’ve been trying to write this fucking paper for two hours now and I just can’t make any words come out of my god damned head. 

I’m a fucking idiot and I’m not ever going to amount to anything at this fucking university and I’m going to do something stupid and end up losing my position as a coach. Nobody fucking likes me at crew anyway so like it fucking matters. M is never going to see me the way I see him, I’m fat and disgusting and I can’t stop eating so I can’t start being fucking skinny.

I’m moving into an apartment next year, alone, because everyone else I know made arrangements without me to get their lovely little houses on their lovely little fucking streets. 

I’ve managed to completely alienate myself from everyone and every fucking thing

so fuck it. 

I’m going to have another god damned cigarette.